On My Mind
by Amberlocks
Summary: A series of stand-alone POV ficlets from different characters at different points of the trilogy.
1. Theoden: This is Freedom?

On My Mind: 'This is Freedom?'

_"Breathe the free air again, my friend."_

Free. As if this prison I am in now can be called freedom. But unlike the prison before, the prison of a spell, this is of my own making. And I have no one to blame but myself.

Fate has not been kind to me. But I have held up my burden of rule as high as I can. A king can never show fear. But now, in the few minutes of quiet I have gained, I can be afraid.

I can lose hope. I can forget my visions of the future. I can finally give a brief release to the frightened, anguished old man inside of me. Gamling will be back before long, and I shall have to hide my true self and become a king again. But he is not here yet, and I can finally voice the thought that has been haunting me since Gandalf broke Saruman's spell.

I miss Grima.

I hate him. I hate Grima for what he did to my beloved kingdom. Rohan was so strong once, and he undermined that strength by undermining Rohan's king. He banished my closest ally, my nephew Eomer. He lusted after my niece, Eowyn. He ruined so many lives.

At the same time, I miss him. I miss his closeness, his counsel. For so long, I felt he was the only one I could trust. The relief he gave me was beyond words. No longer did I have to worry about rules and responsibilities. I no longer had to bear the burden of leadership, and the absence of weight on my shoulders was glorious.

I did not care if the world fell apart around me, which it did. I sat in my comfortable void as crops failed, horses died, and the minions of Sauron and Saruman ravaged my land. As if from a great distance, I watched Grima exile Eomer, and my nephew being dragged screaming from the hall. I dimly heard Eowyn telling me Theodred, my only son, was dead.

Grima is no longer here, and I have left a peaceful paradise for a cold reality.

My kingdom is in shambles. I have lost my people's trust, although they do still follow orders. Eowyn seems glad that I have been restored, but I can still see darkness in her eyes. Only the Valar knows where Eomer and the Rohirrim are, although Lord Aragorn assures me he is alive.

And my son is dead.

My dear Theodred, who looked more like his mother with each passing day. He did have a full life, but he should not have died like this. He should not have died protecting my kingdom. I should have been me whom the orcs killed. Not my only son. Anyone but him.

However, in one way, I am glad Eomer and Theodred are not here to see this. They did not see us running to Helm's Deep like frightened dogs. They did not see Hama, Eogern, and others killed by wargs. They did not hear Lord Aragorn, back from the dead, give us the words that will kill us.

An army of Uruk-hai, bent on destroying us.

I have no illusions about our fate. The kingdom of Rohan is about to be annihilated. Even as I speak words of support to my men, I think they can see the despair in my eyes. They can hear the hopelessness in my voice.

But we are the horse lords of Rohan, and we will not surrender to the evil of Saruman. I know that if every man and boy dies tonight, the women and children will defend our way of life. We will survive, even if we only do so in the songs of elves.

I hope.


	2. Aragorn: Facing the Past

Arwen is dying?

It cannot be! Elves are not supposed to die of natural causes. Yet I know that Elrod would not lie to me. Unless we banish Sauron's evil from this world, the woman I am destined to marry will perish.

I have lived a long time. Not as long as the elves, but long for a man. But never before have I been in a situation so hopeless. Even at Helm's Deep I knew we would survive. I expended Gandalf to come with the sunrise, and he did.

But this time even the White Wizard is at his limit. No one has the power to create soldiers from the earth. All the men in Rohan and Gondor cannot face the forces that come from land and sea.

It is hopeless.

I know we will go down fighting. I expect nothing less. However, as much as it would shock Legolas to hear me say this, I would prefer not to go down at all.

There is only one chance. And I am the only person who can take that chance.

But it would force me to face what I have been running from all of my life.

I must go down the Path of the Dead, and summon the oath breakers whom betrayed Isildur. I will give them one last opportunity to fulfill their vows and give my countrymen their fighting chance.

I have always denied who I am. I have never wanted the responsibility I was born with. But the choice of facing my past and letting all my brothers die is not really a choice at all.

The time has come for me to reclaim my birthright. The King of Gondor will ride to battle with his friends, his allies, and the ghosts of his past beside him. And we will not fail. We have right on our side and a world to protect.

And I will survive, for I finally have a reason to come home.


	3. Gandalf: Prison

How could I have been so foolish?

Galadriel warned me about Saruman's ambition. I thought that leading the Wizard's Council would have satisfied his greed. How was I to know that his lust for power was so strong that he would completely turn his back on the world of men?

Fortunately, my magic gifts me with an ability to view certain aspects of the future. I know this venture of Saruman's will fail. I cannot see the nature of his downfall, but I know it is certain. What I do not know is the amount of devastation he will wreak upon this earth before he is defeated.

Of course, my gift does not show me all of the future, or else I would not be in my current predicament. But not even the wisest can see all ends, and I am far from the wisest. I know what I must; I will leave complete wisdom to the elves.

My only concern is getting to Frodo.

An innocent hobbit is leaving the only home he has known, on a mission on which I sent him. The knowledge burns in my heart, for I know I have sent him into great danger. But I cannot be trusted with the ring, and he was my only option.

I fear what the ring will do to Frodo. Even a free soul such as his will feel the ring's pull eventually. I only hope that Aragorn will be able to find him. Frodo and Sam would never reach Rivendell without the Ranger's help. I am not certain they will make it even with his help.

No, I cannot give in to despair. Frodo will be fine and will make it to Rivendell safely. And I will be there to greet him. The eagles have yet to fail to heed my call and the message I sent them will be protected by my magic. It is only a matter of time before I am free.

If Saruman does not kill me first.


End file.
